Tough love is harder on you than it is on the recipient but sometimes it is the only way to go. Sometimes we need to say no, and anytime you say, “No,” you need to justify the “no.” “No” without a legitimate explanation of your decision is akin to saying ‘go away, don’t bother me’. No’s must be given with compassion and understanding. Your needs are the most important needs in the world and that doesn’t mean that you exclude the needs of others. What it means is that you must take care of your needs first, and then you have the capacity to take care of others in a more loving way.
A mother’s love for a child requires her to say, “No” sometimes, however it doesn’t mean that you can say no any time you don’t feel like getting involved. Our children learn from us and sometimes we don’t take this responsibility seriously enough. “No” is the worst word in any language. It teaches us that we are not in charge of our life. When you are two years old, it is probably necessary but we learn ninety percent of everything we will ever know between the ages of 2 and 4. If we learn everything is no, you can’t have that or no you can’t do that then, this NO is with us for life and we give up on any worth while endeavor.
I read a story about a five-year-old boy who used to ride his bike on the top rail of a fence. He rode this fence for a long time. An adult saw him riding on the rail and told him to get down. The adult told him he would fall and that it was impossible to ride on that narrow top rail. Naturally, he fell and he was never able to ride the top rail again. Look at what kids can do on a skateboard today, the impossible is a piece of cake to them. Be very, very selective in your use of the word no, if any other word will do, use it.
Today’s Exercise: Bite your tongue before you say, “NO.”
Today’s Affirmation: I am loved, because I love.
Points to Ponder: Only a grown-up can destroy the creativity of a child.
